Two years, no key!

Ok so I am going to head straight into the 'defining' relationship! You all know what this is; it's the relationship you have in your early twenties that is an adult relationship, something totally different to anything you have ever experienced before.

Mine was with a rugby player who I met aged 22 through a friend I was working with at the time. He was 6'5, dark hair, bright blue eyes, very handsome and totally full of himself. I think he initially went for me as I was his 'bit of rough' the trashy glamour model his middle class Surrey family would disapprove of but his rugby team would congratulate him for bagging.

The relationship started hideously, I look back now and judge myself for actually carrying on dating him. He would call me to tell me he was on his way to a date with another girl, post pictures on Facebook of him kissing other girls, ignore me for 2 weeks or tell me his mother and sister would hate me as I am so 'common'. Don't get me wrong I didn't fall at his feet I actually put up a rather big fight and just played it cool, along with the odd abusive drunken texts/voicemails! Obviously this was intriguing to Mr Big shot himself as soon I had full control of the relationship and he was begging for me to meet this uber snobby family of his.

He was an odd guy but I knew he loved me.

I never quite felt good enough for him, almost as if there was a big class divide between us. For example, the first time I was ever published in Nuts magazine it was a double page spread and I was extremely excited. He managed to make me feel so ashamed of it that I didn't tell a soul apart from my mum. I would be dragged for Sunday lunch every week with his family who would all talk about the upcoming recession/house prices/the pros and cons of floating mortgages... I would be sitting there thinking 'am I too young to start getting botox'?? I was continuously made to feel that hairspray, animal print, heels over 3 inches and drinking too much were things that would make me burn in hell. He was from the sort of family where if they have a BBQ only the boys have burgers and us petite girls get tuna steak. In contrast I am from the sort of family that chain smoke, swear and eat like horses!

All of this aside we had a good first 18 months but after that the cracks started to show. Most big steps in the relationship had been taken by him but we had been standing still for about 6 months at this point. I had enquired about maybe having a drawer to keep a few essential bits in for when I stayed, he would have loved to apparently but there wasn't a spare one I could use. I was still always staying at the flat his family had bought him in Clapham though, so I suggested getting a key cut so I could easily let myself in. If I had known the drama this would cause I wouldn't have even bothered!! His exact response was 'why would you need a key, you don't live here??' I protested so he advised me that getting a key cut for the main door of the block would cost £50 and he couldn't afford that. So it carried on that I would meet him at work to collect his keys before heading back to the flat then wait in for when he finished so I could let him in.

We went on holiday not long after all of this, I wanted to book 10 days but apparently a week was more than enough to spend on his own with me. We did have an amazing time, but nothing changed when we got home... We had an explosive weekend away where we did absolutely nothing but argue, that summer was horrific!! So on the August bank holiday weekend I went away to Ireland with my friends to have some fun, little did I know that would be the beginning of the end. On meeting a stag party on the second night I ended up kissing the best man. I chose to do the right thing and tell him when I got home; shockingly he chose to forgive me.

A few months on we went out for dinner on a Saturday night. He ordered mussels and I couldn't even watch him eat them, the way he was eating and him droning on was driving me crazy. I couldn't even look at him! I knew then that was the end. We went for a drink afterwards where I told him the relationship wasn't working and we had to break up before we ended up hating each other. Obviously he agreed it had been a total nightmare for months on end at this point.

I hate to say I found the break up pretty easy, almost like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I loved him still but I had to tell myself 'two years, no key!' And trust me when I had a weak moment my friends would tell me exactly the same thing. Him being scared of commitment was the main reason for the break up in my eyes. I wasn't wearing a halo throughout those two years don't get me wrong at all! But as he asked himself 'if I'd have given you a key would things have been different?' the answer was of course yes.... I just needed one sign.

One year on he got with another girl and she moved in within 5 weeks along with her dog. Make of that what you will.....

A little introduction to me.....

Helloooooo!

I thought I would introduce myself and explain why I am here to start with.... I am a 27 year old model living in SW London and loving life right now (well most of the time anyway!) Don't get me wrong I don't have a hard life; I work an average of 3 days a week, earn good money, have a great family, amazing friends and have been very blessed in the looks department too. However, I am also a control freak, impatient, unpredictable and rarely satisfied! These may sound like things I could easily change but with programmes like 'Sex and the City' teaching us being single until we are in our 30s is perfectly acceptable or people constantly telling us we should never settle for second best I find it hard to be content with what I have. We are always looking for more!!

I am also a very sweet, kind girl don't get me wrong. But I think only about 25% of people I have actually met have seen this side of me. I find it imperative now to put up a wall and if people want to break it down they can have a good crack. But to know the inner person is something that needs to be earned! I am not sure if it is only myself and close group of friends who are like this, I am intrigued to know if other women are too? Or if we are just too harsh?!

Myself and my friends have had nights out that would put 'The Hangover' to shame! Whilst talking over a few glasses of wine the other night we decided these stories cannot go untold... So trust me you may be in for a shock but I will ease you in gently!

I am not trying to make this at all like a Carrie Bradshaw column but I am intrigued to know if this is the general way it is now?!?

Hope you enjoy my blogs.....

Londongirl27 xxx